


moment of epiphany, in gold light

by softiejace



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, LITERALLY, M/M, Marriage Proposal, New Year's Eve, New Year's Fluff, Reality, SUE ME ok, anyway hope you enjoy this and have a happy 20biteen, interrupted by fireworks, post ii era, rated teen and up because dan swears, they're such losers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-01
Updated: 2019-01-01
Packaged: 2019-10-02 07:58:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,842
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17260502
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/softiejace/pseuds/softiejace
Summary: The door to the balcony opens, revealing Phil with his duvet still wrapped around his shoulders like a cape, the garish yellow of his emoji pyjamas poking out underneath.Dan grins in relief, scooting over on the bench. "Did you find it?"But Phil doesn't move to sit beside him. And when he unfolds his arms in front of his body, no bottle comes into view in his hands.Only a small, velvet box.





	moment of epiphany, in gold light

**Author's Note:**

> title taken from the poem "litany in which certain things are crossed out" by richard siken.
> 
> much thanks to kat for reading this first <3

Dan's sat outside on their balcony, wrapped in the sad pimp blanket, nursing a nearly empty mug of chamomile tea. A breeze whistles past his pyjama clad legs that are folded underneath him, and he shivers.

"We really ought to get a portable heater for out here," he yells over his shoulder in the vague direction of the kitchen door, where Phil has disappeared to a few minutes ago on the quest for champagne.

It's New Year's Eve 2018, and they've got a lot to celebrate.

Phil has returned only a day ago from the Isle of Man and naturally, they both opted for ringing in the new year alone together, in the comfort of their apartment. It's odd, really, how much it feels like home, Dan muses, considering that they've spent most of the year away, in hotel rooms, in places they'd never been.

Dan hasn't missed the apartment while on tour, but longed for it quite a bit in the few days he spent with his family. Because of course, it isn't so much the building that offers the comfort and familiarity associated with the concept of home, rather than...

A stray early firework lights up the sky and Dan waits for the noise to fade so he can listen for one of his most comforting sounds in the world - the cluttering of a lanky, clumsy man who at this moment is surely leaving all their kitchen cupboards open on the search for champagne glasses.

Only there's no cluttering. There's no sound at all coming from their flat behind him.

Dan stills.

Waits a moment.

Clears his throat - "Phil?"

Quiet. Disconcerting quiet.

Dan sets his mug aside, twisting around to stare at the door Phil's left ajar.

Calls again louder, more urgently. "Phil?"

There's a muted response then, and the sound of a door closing somewhere in their apartment.

Dan lets his breath escape with a hiss, the tension seeping slowly out of his body, one hand pressed to pounding heart.

"Jesus fuck," he murmurs to himself, then shouts, "Hurry up, you bum, I want my new year's kiss!"

Approaching footsteps, first on carpet, then on tile. The door to the balcony opens, revealing Phil with his duvet still wrapped around his shoulders like a cape, the garish yellow of his emoji pyjamas poking out underneath.

Dan grins in relief, scooting over on the bench. "Did you find it?"

But Phil doesn't move to sit beside him. And when he unfolds his arms in front of his body, no bottle comes into view in his hands.

Only a small, velvet box.

Dan's breath gets caught somewhere between his lungs and his lips.

Phil moves then, two long-legged steps until he's in front of Dan, kneeling down with a little trouble as he arranges the blanket around himself so he won't step on it and topple over.

Dan still hasn't exhaled, or blinked for that matter, ever since his eyes have fallen on the tiny, blue box in Phil's nervously fiddling hands.

"Dan."

He breathes sharply then, out and in and out again, gaze snapping up to Phil's face.

His hair is tousled from Dan playing with it while they've been sat outside, leaning into each other. His glasses are slightly askew, cheeks red and in spite of his blanket he's shivering from the cold - or maybe nerves, Dan can't quite tell. He's wearing the adventure time hoodie that Dan gave him for his birthday years ago, in another life it seems, and the yellow clashes terribly with that of his pyjama bottoms.

In short - he's perfect.

"Dan," Phil says again, voice soft and shaky, and Dan looks at him - looks and looks and smiles, finally.

"Yes," he says.

Phil opens his mouth as though to continue, then seems to register that the word sounds much like an answer to a question he hasn't posed yet, at least not with words.

"You haven't - you need to let me ask you first!" He protests.

Dan tugs on his furry blanket, worrying at his lower lip to suppress the giggle that's bubbling up inside him.

"Well, sorry to tell you, mate, but you're not exactly being mysterious right now."

Phil rolls his eyes, whining his name.

"Daaan. Just let me do this, please?"

Dan's never been able to say no to that face.

"Yeah, okay. Fine," he feigns nonchalance, "go ahead then."

Phil swallows thickly, closing his eyes for a second as he breathes, before looking up at Dan again.

"Dan," he says for a third time.

Dan smiles, nods softly, encouraging.

Phil's eyes brighten and he continues, "we've done so much together, this year. And these past nine years, really. I've loved you since I was 22 years old. I'm almost 32 now, and more in love with you than ever. You have and continue to challenge me to become better, stronger, more confident. You make me happier than I thought possible. You've been my partner in life and work and on stage around the world, twice. And most importantly - you're my best friend. And there's no one else I want by my side as we go into the new year - the start of a new decade in our lives, together. The second of many more, hopefully. Because I want to see you grow old and grey next to me. I want - I want to see kids grow up with you. There's so much more to come for us, I know it, things we can't even imagine yet. And so -"

His voice falters for a bit as he fumbles with the little box in his hands, head lowered.

Dan allows himself a moment to breathe, to became aware that the air is colder against his cheeks now because they're tear-streaked. He sniffles, wiping at his eyes, and Phil looks up at the sound.

His face does a complicated thing when he finds Dan already crying and Dan laughs wetly, shrugging his shoulders.

"Sorry," he croaks.

Phil shakes his head, shuffling closer on the floorboards, and reaches for Dan's hand. Dan gives him both, squeezing his fingers.

"I've thought for so long about what I want to say until I realised it doesn't matter because you already know everything. You know me so well, Dan, better than anyone else. So all I can say is just... will you ma-"

There's a whistle then, followed by a deafening bang, as golden sparks rain down from the sky. Immediately, a second rocket is launched, and then a third and a thousand more, all exploding in quick succession and painting the night blue and green and red and silvery white.

"Oh, for fuck's sake," Dan half-snorts, half-chuckles, extracting one of his hands to gesture towards the sky. "Really? Was this your plan then, for us to be _literally_ interrupted by bloody fireworks?"

Phil's eyes are wide, sparks and swirls of colour reflected in them, and he's smiling in surprise and wonder. "No, I -"

Dan leans in to hear him over the crackle and roar of the pyrotechnics.

"I didn't know when I was going to do this and then tonight as we sat here I just realised I didn't want to go into the new year without proposing. So I figured there was no better time to do it than..."

Dan giggles, sucks in a breath. "You forgot about the fireworks, didn't you? Really had your thunder stolen there."

Phil purses his lips, corners curled up in a smile. "Well, I guess there was a minor flaw in my plan..."

He laughs, too, then, eyes scrunching up, and Dan wants badly to kiss him right now - but he still hasn't asked the question.

"Out with it then, before we're sat here 'til 2020."

Phil takes his hands again, lifts them to his mouth to kiss the knuckles.

Dan can feel the edge of the box press into his skin, and then Phil lets go of his hands to click the lid open and says, simply, "Marry me?"

Dan barely hears him over the noise but he reads the words easily off his lips, as though he'd done it a thousand times.

He nods, then nods again, unable to stop the motion once he's begun.

"Yes," he gasps out, choked, "yes, yes, of course, I'll marry you."

"Yeah?" Phil's mouth forms, barely a breath.

Dan just keeps nodding.

Phil's face explodes into a smile, outshining every fireworks display.

The tears are flowing again freely, his breaths coming in big sniffs, heart thundering away in his chest. Dan has to blink several times until his _fiancé_ comes back into focus.

There's a small, velvet box being held out to him in shaking hands.

Inside is nestled the most beautiful thing Dan has ever laid eyes on - well, save for the man offering it to him.

A slender silver ring with a delicate pattern of brilliants, embedded in whose middle is a single shimmering onyx.

Dan hears himself gasp in a breath. Then he extends his hand towards Phil.

"Put it on me already," he whispers, voice certainly drowned out by the firecrackers that are still going off in the background.

Phil struggles with freeing the ring for a second but then the box clatters to the floor and Phil's blanket cape follows as he sits up, pausing for a moment to seek Dan's eyes before he slides the cool metal band onto Dan's fourth finger.

They're both shaking violently now and Dan catches Phil dabbing at the corner of his eye with his hoodie sleeve, blinking furiously.

He sits, admiring his ring for a moment, the way the gems light up when another firework goes off in their proximity.

Then he reaches for Phil, "c'mere," pulling him up with fingers knotted into the fabric of his jumper, until their mouths collide in a messy kiss.

Phil's still kneeling on the floor, hopefully on his blanket now, and the edge of the bench must be digging into his stomach, but he's not complaining - hands sliding round the back of Dan's neck, lips framing his bottom one, kissing at his cheeks and his chin and anywhere he can reach until Dan's giggling breathlessly.

He twines Phil's hair around his fingers, watching the inky black strands caress his engagement ring, and presses his mouth to a spot just above Phil's ear.

"Happy new year, Phil," he breathes. "I love you so much."

His mug tips over beside him when Phil scrambles to his feet and onto his lap, wrapping him up in a proper embrace that crushes his hip against the armrest and pushes Phil's knee into his ribs, and they still haven't got their champagne to toast the new year, but Dan couldn't care less. He just wraps his blanket around the both of them and connects their lips once more.

There are still fireworks going off around them as they kiss and kiss until neither of them can breathe. Then Phil pulls back, just the tiniest bit, and whispers into the gap between their mouths.

"Happy new year, Dan."

**Author's Note:**

> happy new year, folks. if you have any feedback, leave a comment or hit me up on twitter.com/iovesongdjh
> 
> and in case you're wondering what dan's ring might look like - i didn't base it off any real existing one, but maybe this one comes close. http://d3d71ba2asa5oz.cloudfront.net/12001464/images/214r480001__2.jpg


End file.
